iStock/DarioGaona
Preparation is key when it comes to marking a child’s marriage milestone.
The wedding. While we all know who the stars of this show are, there are some supporting characters who also have to-do lists and reams of reminders before the main event. Enter: The Parents.
If there was ever a delta in the bookstore aisle, it might be for What to Expect When Your Child is Expecting … to Get Married. While there are variations when it comes to involvement levels and expectations, there are some basic elements that either side of the parent aisle should consider.
- Establish early on each side’s financial obligations. Is the couple shouldering all or part of the costs, or are both sets of parents pitching in for the wedding? Do plans go the “traditional” route with parents of the groom footing the floral and rehearsal dinner bill, for example? Talk. Now. It can alleviate confusion and potential choppy feelings later.
- Speaking of communication, discuss whether or not parents will be listed on the invitations.
- Be sure that all sides, including the couple, have a clear idea about the number of guests allotted per family on the invite list.
- Are there important cultural, familial or religious traditions that families would like included in the day’s events?
- If the wedding is out of town, there can be a lot to remember while packing. If possible when flying, use carry-on luggage for important items—jewelry, rehearsal and wedding outfits and the like.
- Pack “just in case” medications (for allergies, anxiety, intestinal issues, etc. You get the picture.) No one wants to dash to the pharmacy or make late-night calls to a doctor.
- Photographers appreciate lists of must-have photos. Be clear on how many photos all sides can request. Be sure potential conflicts or concerns are addressed well before posing begins.
- Is there a guest who might require some “extra attention”? Assign a trusted family member (outside the immediate family) or friend to assist in getting that person from Point A to Point B or monitor any troublesome situations—health-related or otherwise.
- If beloved family members or friends can’t attend, consider livestreaming the ceremony, so they feel included and you can feel their presence.
- If parent speeches are part of the groom’s dinner or reception program, when will they occur? Traditions are shifting on this one, so get that clarified.
- Comfort is key. Nowhere does it say that mothers can’t have an outfit change for the reception. After the primary photos are complete, why not slip into something more … breathable and less confining? (Bring extra undergarments, and ditch the shapeware at this point. Be sure to run the second look by the couple.)
- Wearing meaningful jewelry can be a wonderful way to make the day even more memorable. Parents, if you wear a family heirloom or one of your special pieces to any of the wedding events (engagement party, shower, rehearsal, ceremony or reception), make note of that. Someday, gift the bride, groom or grandchild with the piece and a note reminding them of the jewelry’s special history.
Once the day arrives—and it does!—embrace the joy, and don’t concern yourself with minor hiccups. Unless it’s downright catastrophic, guests rarely notice tiny missteps. Parents, you don’t get this day back, so delight in knowing that you’ve played an important part in helping your child reach this milestone—and you’ve reached one, too! Enter: The In-Laws.
